Today is the first day of the Central America Student Convention.  This is one of the most exciting weeks of the school year!  I love this week, the kids love this week, I love being with my students and seeing them succeed and learn and grow in their talents and in their relationship with God.
So, the question is, why am I sitting at my kitchen table while my highschool students are on a bus headed to Villa Olympica in Tegucigalpa?

My leg started to hurt last week and I thought I had pulled a muscle exercising, or walking home from school one day, but as the week went on the pain got worse and by Friday my leg had started to swell.  Saturday I spent the day with our seniors at a medical brigade.  Being on my feet all day just about did me in.  I could hardly walk by the time I got home the pain was so bad and the swelling had really increased.

Sunday to the doctor, pain is better, still swollen....Monday blood tests and a sonogram and back to the doctor...The sonogram made me so nervous, the tech kept telling me respirar (breathe)....

Before the doctor ordered me to stay home, I admitted that I was not physically able. Being on my feet 10 minutes I could feel the pressure of the swelling increase and the pain in my leg...so while waiting on the sonogram we began making calls and arrangements for Miss Candy to take my place as a sponsor.

Good News!  The results of the sonogram were normal... a few things showed up in my blood work but nothing really explained the swelling...no infection... it all seemed good....except that my leg looked like it belonged to another person.  After seeing my tests the doctor was shocked when I showed her how swollen my leg/ankle/foot were! 

Diagnosis???  Don't ask....it only brings more questions.... 

So this morning I loaded my car with all the gatorade, coolers, first aid supplies, paperwork for the students, snacks....got in my car to deliver all to the bus and see the kids off and I turn the key and click click click...dead battery!  Really?  Now?  Thanks to God, Paty was able to come pick me and all the stuff up to get it to the school and allowed me to hug all my kids and see their artwork and photographs and all that they have been working on.

I stood with Henry and watched them loading on their suitcases and I just cried.  I can't believe I'm not going with them.  My heart is broken.  I want to be with them so bad!  But I know that I need to take care of myself...I know that physically I could not do all that I need to do for them this week....and I want to get better and not worse!  My head says all that, but my heart says something different.

So Why?

Sunday before I went to bed I was feeling really down, worried about my leg, worried if there was something serious wrong with my body, and I went to my bag of cards that my sister gives to me every year to open when I need one.  So I found an envelope that said "When you need a hug"....Well I sure needed a hug, especially one from my sister!  So I opened that envelope and here is what was inside....  A small message card that says...

"Today ....Let there be peace within me, trusting that God has planted me right where I am meant to be.     The Lord will work out his plans for my life, for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.  Psalm 138:8"

I know God has control.  I know God has a plan.  I know I don't always understand His plan.  I know that my plan is not always His plan.  But I still keep asking why??

Right now I feel like I am in one of those snowballs....first my physical, then the disappointment of not being able to go to convention, now the car....wondering when my snowball is going to finally reach the end of the mountain. 

I am praying and believing that with the medicines and drinking a lot of water and resting today that I will be able to go tomorrow to see their performances and get to spend some special time with them.

I am still asking God "why?" ....but thankful that He is in control!  Thankful for the people around me who help me.  Thankful for friends who I call at 3:45 a.m. and say my car won't start and who come get me.  Thankful for the support check that came this month that was more than my budget, thankful I have the money to pay for all the doctor visits and tests and medications and now car repairs.  I am thankful!  Thankful for my students!  Thankful that they are a part of my life.  Thankful!